I've been living somewhere between inspired and depressed. Somewhere between stagnant and going too fast. Wake up the day blossoming with opportunity and end pounding my head into a brick wall of my own making. I start bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to take on the world and by 2 I've logically removed every last puff of wind from my sails. After all, I dont really like bundt cake that much, so why make it?
Why make it, I ask? Because it makes me feel good to do something, anything. Especially if that anything is something I like. Because doing something I enjoy reaffirms who I am, why I like it, and what I want my future to look like. Because in not doing it, I loose myself. I'm lost, hence the loss of my satisfaction, happiness and motivation for the next day.
The most troubling factor, I suppose, is that I quit in the first place. I love to write, and I enjoy looking through a camera lens. Mountain biking in Thailand was an amazing experience(if excruciating, I don't have those muscles). While Tango's a bit out of reach right now, jewelry smithing isn't. Nor is painting drawing and ceramics. I enjoy this but... I fall off the wagon, succumbing to my laziness and mediocrity and loosing myself. Maybe its conditioning or stamina, maturity level and discipline....
Toda, I made, according to Tanner and with his help, a Coco Sour Cream Butt Cake with Tanner. Today I wrote, a little, hence the blog. I loaded the stupid dishwasher, as the dishes were dirtied and fresh, and cleaned up after myself in the kitchen. That'll work for now.
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One step at a time. One word at a time. Just one, and then tomorrow two.
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